Move the displays into a
maze, then stand at the end and congratulate anybody who makes it out.
Hold a box tightly. if people look at you, clutch the box to your chest and say,
Hide inside the clothing racks, and when someone begins to look through the
racks, stick your head out and say, "Do you mind?"
Stand in the freezer with a sign that says "Do not thaw until 3000 A.D."
Go to the checkout line and page yourself. Slip away, then come back 5 minutes
later, saying you were paged. Repeat until you're told to leave.
Stick price stickers to yourself and lay on the conveyer belt. When asked what
you're doing, say, "I got hungry and ate all my food."
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them
at strategic locations.
Set all the alarm clocks
to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Run up to an employee
(preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at
him "Where are your tampons?"
Try on bras over top of
Make a trail of lemonade
on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
While walking around the
store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy"
Walk up to an employee and
tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and
see what happens.
Tune all the radios to a
polka station; then turn them all off with the volume controls set at full.
Challenge other customers
to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Re-dress the mannequins as
you see fit.
Test the fishing rods and
see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Put a bottle of shampoo on
Move "Caution: Wet Floor"
signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the
camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows
from the Bed and Bath department.
Contaminate the entire
auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Nonchalantly "test" the
brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
When someone asks if you
need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
Look right into the
security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
Take up an entire aisle in
Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Ask other customers if
they have any Grey Poupon.
While handling guns in the
hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the
Switch the men's and
women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
Dart around suspiciously
while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Set up a "Valet Parking"
sign in front of the store.
In the auto department,
practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
Hide in the clothing racks
and when people browse through, say things like "pick me!! pick me!!" and scare
them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
When an announcement comes
over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those
Go to an empty checkout
stand and try to check people out.
Get boxes of condoms and
randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
Drag a lounge chair on
display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a
soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a
little umbrella in it.
Go into the dressing room
and yell real loud "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"