Ways To Annoy Your Professors
Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're called
on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as if
you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait for
your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly irritated
with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it
fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the
cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...."
Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it. If
your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in this pigsty any
longer." Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.
Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if you have a
question, and mumble your question incoherently while brushing, spewing
toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your actions, go on
a tirade about proper oral hygiene.
Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and
present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.
Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your professor
to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water pistol, scream, and run around
the room knocking things over. Say, "Pretty scary, huh?"
Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into class, release
the hornets, scream, and run away.
Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get him/her
to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your professor
is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down all these
Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them,
write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck" and "You're the worst
professor in the world, but I still love you."
Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects, explain that
drinking games make the class more interesting.
Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that you've
hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class, letting
the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a paper or
take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I miss my tire
swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in front of your
Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise party
for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a piece
of cake. Keep asking people when the strippers are going to arrive.
Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take attendance.
Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class, jump out and
yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the
rest of class.
If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and bring a
pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wear your pajamas.
Lie down on the air mattress with the pillow and the blankets and act like
you're asleep. Have the alarm set for about two minutes into class. When it goes
off, preferably very loudly, hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep
doing so for the duration of the class.
Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call the
paintings things like, "Professor Acting Like Mr. Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who
Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Talking About." Give the paintings to your
professor as gifts.
Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or
whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is,
start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return
for the rest of class.
Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle, yell,
"Look out!" and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and act like
nothing happened. Do this every day.
Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from
your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like,
"What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit
closer to the front, tell him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for
Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor is
stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to
start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during
class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your
professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for him/her to
Tell your professor that you'd like to interview him/her for a writing class.
Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested, and write down
everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic interludes and turn your
efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make copies for the entire class, and your
professor. Demand extra credit.
Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!"
Apologize, and explain that you got confused.
When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your
professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the
sluggishness of the U.S. Postal Service.
When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it a
grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.
Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout class,
cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up during
class, like your going to miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry
out in pain, and wait for someone to help you back up. When class is over say,
"I feel better now," leap up, and run home.
Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a
melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the
song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring."
Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes late.
Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until the time when
class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and throw it through the