Ways To Annoy People In The Computer Lab
Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then,
pull a disk out of your pocket and say, "Oops, I forgot."
Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon
Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F
sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than
the one it's set up with.
Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I
borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in
Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your
hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're
such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your
ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the
computer assistant, and walk out.
Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of
top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the
monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor.
Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women
(men) are worthless.
Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy
Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease,"
and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and
deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps
Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look
suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
Light candles in a circle around your terminal before starting.
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "NO!!!
They've found me!" and bolt.
Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that
your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't
affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several
times, erasing an entire word.
Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
Play "Pong" for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand
gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell
"COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and
say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days
later) say that all you wanted was one line.
Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't
Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and
loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting
the keys with the straw.
Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that
baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer
or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain
that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on
or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down
and begin to type.
See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've
known them all your lives. Hangup before they geta chance to figure out you're a
Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a
while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out
laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and
leave, howling as you go.
Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to
grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to
let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let
Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you
know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then
go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't
work, get the supervisor.
Two words: Tesla Coil.
Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad
about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways
When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling
Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't
get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it
off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the
screen and crawl underneath the desk.
Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest
volume possible over & over again.
Yell "DISK FIGHT!!!"