Ways to Annoy a Yankee (Northerner).
Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
When giving directions, finish with “and it’s right down yonder on the left.”
Confuses the mess out of ’em.
Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what
Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don’t have it, raise a ruckus.
Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie --
John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .you get the idea)
Address all males as “son” and females as “little lady”.
Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It’s “Pah-kahn” not
Put Tabasco on everything.
For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In
other words, if they say “Yo, I’m from upstate New Yoik!”, say “Well, I’ll be
damned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!”
“Mash” buttons. “Cut” off lights. “Carry” the kids to school.
Never simply “do” something. Be “fixin to do” something.
Call ’em a yankee. Works every time.
When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you
Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone
ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil
When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies.
. .preferably the banana ones.
Name all of your children "Bubba". (or just call em that!)
Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
"Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school.
Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.
Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis
Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they
turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there..." "You said
"Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your
left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.."
Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around
in your convertible this weekend.