Screaming at the can of
food will not make it open by itself.
I should not assume the
patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
If I put a live mouse in
my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.
The guinea pig likes to
sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.
If I bite the cactus, it
will bite back.
I will not stand on the
bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing (especially right
after my human has finished watching "The X-Files").
Television and computer
screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
No matter how dangly and
attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.
If I play 'dead cat on the
stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these
days it will really come true.
My human is capable of
cooking bacon and eggs without my help.
The cat food is already
dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.
I am a carnivore. Potted
plants are not meat.
I will never be able to
walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring
it any closer.
It is not a good idea to
try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling
The goldfish likes living
in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.
If my human wants to share
her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start
eating it from the other end.
I cannot leap through
closed windows to catch birds outside.
The large dog in the back
yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.
If I must give a present
to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable
than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.
Even though I hear voices
in my head, I do not have to answer them.